God Shall Not Visit Before Coffee…

Posted: September 10, 2008 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Me: still wiping sleep from my eyes.  Bleary.  Opening files on my computer.  Content because late last night I figured out how to cut what needed to be cut and still keep most things.

Cousin Roommate:  Doing laundry.

Doorbell:  BING BONG

Me:  Confused…we don’t have visitors. We especially don’t have visitors that are up before 10:30 am, nor that ring our doorbell.  I hear anti-social cousin close the laundry room door.  Apparently, mystery visitor is my responsibility.  At the door is a well dressed woman in a baby blue skirt suit.  As I open the door I notice another woman, also well dressed, smiling from the base of the stairs where she waits with a baby carriage.  They are both smiley happy and their hair is shiny and clean and sparkles in the sun.  I’m only wearing pants because I slept in them.  My hair is up, because yesterday was Writing Day and I hadn’t bothered to shower.  It’s poking out in crazy sleepspun poofs.  Halfasleep, I open the door before I look down to what’s in her hands.  By the time I do it’s too late. 

Woman on the stairs:  HI!  I’m …….. and this is my sister …….. and we’re making brief visits to share the joys of scripture…..

There’s a brief moment where several scenarios bounce around in my head. 

Writer brain screams "HEY!  Ask her if she knows of any demons that would be able to take out a reaper!  Maybe something with wings!  OOoooO! DO IT!!!

Leah brain mumbles:  Tell her the truth!  "Listen lady…I’m writing a story about Fallen angels and the only good angel who’s shown up is gay.  Flaming gay.  But my cousin is a Satanist…let me see if he wants some Scripture with his Cheerios….

Writer brain giggles because that would be a good story, but has a better idea.  "Tell her the quote you used to start chapter one! 

"For her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead."
     – Proverbs 2:18

There is a pause before I smile sweetly and say "No thanks!" in a pleasant voice as I close the door.  God, you owe me one. 

  1. hldyer says:

    *snort* You rock, babe!

  2. carrie_ryan says:

    THAT is hilarious!!! Esp the “oooooooo! do it!”

  3. reneesweet says:

    HA!! Reminds me of the time a sweet little Boy Scout rang my door bell.
    BS: Would you like to buy some popcorn to support the Boy Scouts?
    ME: *evil smile spreads slowly across face* Tell you what, honey. When the Boy Scouts stop discriminating against gay people, I’ll buy some popcorn from you. Buh-bye now. *closes door*
    I don’t have your self control. But I do giggle every time I imagine the teeny little 7 year old asking his mommy what the hell I was talking about!

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